neutronsprotons

soon i will leave chicago and "the nighthawks" and the racial strife and the green parrots.

and that will be hard.

but i'm returning to christmas which i love unapologetically, which comes with vegan gingerbread, mistletoe, fires... the boy i love... my family, along with all their flaws.

i must be the luckiest one in the world to be leaving one perfect place for another.

i think people shouldn't date artists and musicians.  artists and musicians should just be constantly depressed so that their art and music is pain-riddled.

yet i continue to date artists and musicians!  how silly of me.  it's 'cause they're just so good looking and i always think maybe i'll be their muse or something.  i once made a promise to myself to date no more artists or musicians.  and that promise lasted exactly one day.

i'm still in chicago and i still like it a great deal.  i'm gettin rather obsessed with race relations.  i am sad i am not an ethnic studies major.  but of course, when i entered whitman, no such major existed.  because whitman is very silly.

on wednesday i will be in PORTLAND, OREGON!  then i will be in grants pass on friday, then i will be in PORTLAND, OREGON for saturday.  on saturday i will be getting a tattoo.  i am between two designs.  perhaps this should signal that i shouldn't rush into something that will stay on my body for my whole entire life, but who cares.  i smoke too many cigarettes to expect to live too terribly long anyway.

it is sad when people die.

okay, and then on sunday i am coming back to chicago.  if you send me an art in the mail, i will send you one back!

1364 e. 52nd st., apt. 1e
chicago, il 60615

(i guess you're not supposed to post your address on the vast void of the internet, but if you're a robber, know that NOT ONLY do we lock, bolt, and chain our door AT ALL TIMES, but i also have like three pepper sprays that i have about.  and being pepper sprayed is hugely unpleasant.)

i am in chicago, illinois.

i am going to move here and live here for the rest of my life.  i will obviously have to have a husband and a very cute dog.  oh, and i guess a job, preferably in journalism.  but if not, the husband and the dog will suffice.  as long as they are in chicago, illinois.

things about chicago worth noting:

one.  i am a vegan, BUT i broke the rules for the first time in over seven months for a slice of chicago deep dish pizza.  and let me tell you.  that stuff is made from god's semen.  it's that fucking incredible.  it's like pie, but with cheese and cheese and cheese and sauce.  and cheese.  fuck.

two.  there is amazing art!  have you seen "the nighthawks"?  no?  well... it will restore your faith in all of humanity, if you had lost it.  if you still HAD faith in humanity, then it will give you wings.  like red bull.  but better.  also worth visiting: the museum of contemporary art, the museum of contemporary photography, the smart museum of art, and any one of of a slew of in-fucking-credible galleries.

three.  lots of racial and social turmoil here.  i know that's not a GOOD thing, but it makes me feel like i am involved in something REAL and GOOD for a change.  not that walla walla doesn't have its issues, too, but chicago's issues go beyond rotting onions and angry conservatives.

four.  i go to at least two concerts a week.  jenny lewis at the vic on tuesday, regina spektor on sunday, art brut and we are scientiests on monday, till and the wall the next wednesday, the elected the saturday after that, lady sovereign the next day, and i just got to see ratatat, gym class heroes, m. ward, !!!, and ted leo and the pharmacists.  don't punch me because you're jealous.  just move in with me.

oh, what things will we end up forgetting?

today i bought loose teas and eecummings poems.  these are among the world's more beautiful things.  tomorrow i'll paint my eyes black again, but lately i have been happier than i can ever remember being.  life is so full of simple things.  i savor this quiet, lonely space.

last night i barely slept -- in the morning i woke up, found the translations to the italian parts of tseliot's poems, wore the most beautiful dress of all, went to see a film alone (must remember to buy an electric car upon their availability), walked ten blocks to the bookstore to by tolstoy's "anna karenina" for eight dollars.

and thought and thought and walked home without shoes.  watched "casablanca" while sewing bird shapes onto the brown blanket i wore around my shoulders in the cold weather last winter.  

and yes, i am lonely, but quite surely happy.

here is a nice little list of facts:

1. i realized today that i like very much dresses with dots and skirts that are white that you can twirl with.  what a revelation.

2. my top five favorite foods are: pie, popsicles, paradox cafe vegan nachos, avacados, fruit snacks.

3. it is difficult to dance lately because of all the clutter.

4. do you think of your head as a place with file cabinets?  and you are constantly trying to get it cleaned up?  yes, me too.  a boy i dated once had a very clean head.  and that is why it didn't work.

5. i am a lot of work.